Sunday, October 3, 2010

How the date REALLY went

I'll be the first to admit, after suffering a horrendous sunburn on my Booty, I was not in the best of moods that evening & was probably not on my "A" game. But one thing I'm sure of is my "B" game trumps anyone else's "A" game. Cocky? No. Just a fact.

It was pretty obvious that Aubrey was into me as soon as I got to the door. She giggled in excitement and while she was not quite prepared for the loving I gave her at the door we left arm in arm & with smiles on our faces.

I had planned a very romantic evening, straight out of the movies. It involved grapes, cowboy poetry, a bonfire started with flint and steel (my belt buckle) & sparkling cider, all trademarks of a true gentleman.

The devil to a good date is found in the details:

In addition to buying some dashingly delicious grapes, I had also bought some Axe Body Spray cologne at the Walmart earlier in the day and generously applied it before our date. It wasn't my first choice in cologne, but I'd left mine back in Montana, and I'd seen a news broadcast/commercial earlier in the day where some lady in the supermarket couldn't get enough of some man wearing the same cologne and tackled him right there in the supermarket!



I didn't expect Aubrey to react EXACTLY the same way, but I did expect to have her compliment me on my incredible smell. Let's just say once she got a wiff of me, she was putty in my hands.

I rented a real nice Dodge Stratus for our date and had sprayed some of the Axe body spray in there. I also purchased some of those "black ice" scented trees that drive the ladies CRAZY. Aubrey seriously couldn't get enough. I was worried I wasn't going to get her out of the car with the explosion of scents that was rocking her world!

The car ride we spent some time getting to know each other just a little better. I was really interested in what made Aubrey "tick" and wanted to peel away the superficial early and get to the deep stuff; hopes, dreams, ambitions, what keeps her awake at night, wake makes her scared... I wanted to find out the things that mattered most.

Aubrey was a little hesitant and told me about how excited she was to meet me, and was SO happy with how open and honest I was with her. She said that even though she was excited, she was also very scared. What does the future hold for us? Can she really churn butter? Is it possible to fall in love that quickly?

I thought she might be a little nervous, and I was prepared to talk her through these big changes, and shared with her the story of my friend Jessie... She had some big things going for her in her life, but didn't know how to handle them and took drugs. We talked about how sometimes in life we get so excited, so excited, so excited for big changes, but a tiny part of us gets scared. Going away to school I was so excited, but at the same time so scared. Serving a mission? Same thing... so excited, but so scared. Meeting Aubrey? Even I was excited and scared. But each time I stepped into the dark, I was amazed at how the next step was illuminated for me and everything has worked out.



This immediately calmed Aubrey down and we held each other for a good 45 minutes while we waited for the cameras to arrive. It felt so right having Aubrey in my arms, listening to George Michael on repeat. Aubrey told me that she was so upset she had to go on so many other dates, and that if she could just quit the show right then she'd be happy. While I really REALLY wanted her to just stay in my arms, running her fingers through my stache. I realized that it wouldn't be fair to the other contestants that wanted to take her out. Besides, I think spending time with some other boys would really let her recognize just how great a match we really are, and hopefully allow her to recognize the man among boys that I am.

Towards the end of the date as we were walking hand in hand, talking about baby names, my slightly demented cousin who I had left in the hotel happened to bump into us. I tried to explain things to Aubrey and the cameraman, but she was visibly upset and left with Erin.

I can't say it was exactly how I wanted our date to end, with my crazy cousin pretending to be my "girlfriend", but... a little drama never hurt any relationship. If anything I've found that just increases the tension and brings the heat to a slow boil. I was able to explain things to Aubrey the next day and really cleared the air... unfortunately she had already vented her frustration on her blog for the evening.

I think we both learned a few good lessons from this experience:

First, at times I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Second, Never Assume the worst, when you're with the best

Will there be a date #2? Is the Pope Catholic? Yes. To both questions. And There will most likely be a date #3, #4 and #5... You can't stop fate.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Since I'm not in California to lend you my ears...

I thought I'd give you something else to nibble on...

I'm getting VERY excited about our life together, Aubrey... I know we don't know everything about each other just yet, so I thought I'd share a few more things about me that I think are important.


Family

I come from a VERY healthy family. My Grandmothers both lived well into their '80's. Both Grandfathers I'm confident would have lived well into their '80's had it not been for separate freak accidents when I was younger. The fact that Grandpa Jepson was STILL a rodeo clown at age 68 really should tell you about how spry and active he was. Unfortunately he had just lost a step or two and unfortunately Life caught up to him. (Life was the meanest bull in Montana, they'd been at it for years)


Grandma Jepson, she's not a member, but still looking GOOD at 85. If you look anything like her at 40, I'll feel like I've hit the jackpot!


My other Grandpa was a high adventurer whose motto was "Go big or Go home." When I was about 12 he unfortunately bit off more than he could chew and "Went Home" figuratively speaking. We don't talk about it too much. There's a motto I live by, and that's Cowboy up. Tears are for fears, funerals and birthday parties.



Sally Sue visiting Grandpa & Grandma at the ranch during the Summer.

I am in tip top physical shape. I have washboard abs, a great family pedigree, and the only thing I would be concerned with is my heart has been skipping a beat recently, but only when I look at pictures of you.


Culture


Contrary to what you might believe, I am very cultured. I am fluent in two languages, English and Love; and I am semi-fluent in Spanish, having picked some spanish up from the other cowhands during our cattle drives in the fall. (In fact, the spanish cowhands have even given me a nickname "El Jalapeno" because according to their ladies I am HOT HOT HOT)

I played the lead role of a tree in our school play, which sold out both nights and received a standing ovation. Mr. Silcox said it was the best play he ever participated in. Let's just say I feel bad for whoever has to follow up my performance. Perfection is hard to follow.

I also own a suit, which, not to spoil anything, I plan on wearing during our first evening together.

Honesty

I promise to Lie, Cheat and Steal.

I will lie in your arms every night before bed, and let you stroke my mustache.
I will Cheat death everytime I saddle up.
and I will steal your heart, just like you have stolen mine


Hunting/Fishing

I am a master hunter and fisherman... below are a few of the latest "catches" I've caught during the past year:


1. Lake Wenatchtobie, MN - Bait: Worm
I used a fish whistle that brought it to the surface. As soon as it bit on the worm, I fought with it for about 5 minutes until I was able to bring him in. Below are some of the local town folk holding it up before it was filleted:


2. McMillan, TX - Crossbow and Steel Tipped Arrows
If you look closely you can see how many arrows it took to get this sucker down. He had me trapped in a tree and was ramming it early and often. I contemplated leaping on it's back and riding it into submission, but decided that might toughen up the meat, so I took it down with my bow and arrows instead. This fed the town of McMillan for three months. They are going to give me a key to the city and name a street after me as a way of showing their appreciation. I've requested they name the street Aubrella, which stands for Aubrey, and Beautiful... in Spanish.



3. Huntington Beach, CA - Gentle touch and a calm voice
This will be my most difficult catch of all. While the others put up a fight, I was calm and collected and knew exactly what to do. While I anticipate there being a bit of a struggle for the first minute or two as you question your true feelings for me, I think that love at first sight will win out and you'll be my biggest catch of the decade.




Monday, August 23, 2010

Is this "Paperwork" really necessary?

Name: Willford P. Swisher ~ You may recognize my name from Swisher Sanitary Supplies?
Age: 30ish, How old do you want me to be?
Height: It's not the size of the dog that matters in a fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog
Weight: Plenty big to carry you across the altar, I'm sure.
Hometown: Billings, Montana
Current Residence: Not sure, truthfully I got lost once I looked into your eyes
Occupation: Horse/Lady Whisperer, Heir apparent to the Swisher Sanitary family fortune
Interests:

I am a man of many talents, I love women, cars, horses and my body and as you can probably tell by my photos, I take extreme care for those things I love. I live by one simple motto:

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

I want to Explore. Dream. Discover... with you Aubrey.

Why are you still single?

Honestly? A Stallion is the most beautiful of creations, but it needs to be cared for and trained and tamed. I've tamed alot of women in my day, but I've yet to be tamed myself. Looking into your eyes, however... makes me feel like I've finally met my match.


How Mormon are you:

My name "is" the MORMON Stallion. Let me put it this way, Aubrey baby~ sugar sweet... Whatever your expectations are, I've already exceeded them. I'm so freakin Mormon I have two CTR tatoos and the golden plates tatted on my back. If you behave yourself, I might even let you "handle the plates" to end one of our dates.

I'll leave you with this story Aubrey:

Two roads converged in the woods, some took the more well traveled road, others took the road less taken. I'm such a man I took both of those roads. If you think you can handle the heat, then by all means step into my kitchen!

First Impressions are Everything

They say a picture says a thousand words, quite frankly Aubrey, I think my picture says it all:




Take a good hard look into these eyes and they will tell you everything you need to know.
Can you see it? That's our destiny... together... saddle up cowgirl! I'm about to change your life forever! Woot Woot!